Self Sabotage 😵‍💫

What is really going on in your mind/body?

For Lily~ 🙏

When I experience self sabotage… a scary, jittery sensation grabs me and I can’t shake it. It keeps on coming back. Playing peek-a-boo with my mind. Twirling its tendrils of distrust around my chest. Settling into my belly and making a little nest in my body … always popping up and filling my mind with paranoia and anxiety.

We often self‐sabotage our relationships … because we are unconsciously committed to an internal “upper limit” on the love and positive energy we can handle. Or, perhaps it’s not a relationship. It’s a new job. A promotion. A scholarship. A free vacation. Anything involving money, health, happiness. Anything that we feel is out of reach and therefore we are not “deserving “ of it. Consciously and subconsciously.

Time to ask a WONDER Question: How have you limited yourself from receiving an infinite source of health, abundance, and relationships in your life?

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What I am discussing in this post is the human relationship aspect of self sabotage. When things start to feel really good… when intimacy deepens and connection spikes into a higher energy state, a familiar fear comes rushing in.

Deep down, many people believe they’re not worthy of that much love, so their internal thermostat kicks in to bring things back down to a more "comfortable" level.

This fear of experiencing too much love can manifest in subtle ways:

You might see someone start what seems like a trivial argument, withdraw emotionally, or withhold important, honest communication at exactly the moment things are most positive.

These are not random acts; they’re the body and psyche’s way of defending against the possibility of being overwhelmed or hurt, often rooted in early life experiences or unspoken beliefs like “I don’t deserve to be happy.”

Additionally, we might project our own unresolved insecurities onto our friends and/or partners. For example, a person might complain about a partner’s behavior that in fact mirrors their own fear of asserting themselves or being too vulnerable.

In these moments, the body itself might signal stress through shallow breathing, muscle tension, or a sudden, inexplicable feeling of dread.

These signals are an invitation to pause, feel the feelings in your body, and express the inarguable truth of your inner experience rather than resorting to self-sabotaging behaviors.

These posts are written on my own time and it helps to get some perspective from some of you out there who are readers and fellow writers. If you have an issue, let me know about it. I’ll write a post on it and or share my other fee based, more one on one options, for your conscious living needs. 🙏

Ultimately, the drive to maintain a familiar, albeit limited, level of connection… the safety of the known… encourages us to take actions that undercut true intimacy.

The transformative work is in noticing these patterns as they arise and gently widening your capacity for love, so that you are no longer committed to lower, limiting internal settings, but instead can embrace the full, expansive nature of your relationships. Letting more love ❤️ in.

Playfully appreciating,

❤️ Diary Of a Relationship Coach

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